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If cats had New Year’s resolutions, here’s what they would be

Here are the funniest New Year's resolutions for cats

BethAnn Mayer
By
a cat in a christmas tree
Jessica Lewis / Pexels

Cats: We can’t live with them, and we definitely can’t live without them. Although we could do without the early morning yowling for food, the shedding, and the occasional hairball, our fur babies bring us a sense of joy and wonder that makes every day feel like a holiday.

But we can’t help but wonder, “What would my cat’s New Year’s resolutions be?” While our cats are perfect as they are and most likely have no desire to change, that doesn’t mean we can’t have a bit of fun imagining what resolutions they might make if they weren’t already the flawless and fabulous companions they are today.

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Here are some resolutions that would probably make the list.

a white cat getting pets under chin
Yerlin Matu / Unsplash

I will actually pay attention to my owner

It’s possible to train a cat, but let’s be real: They’re not lab puppies. Cats are typically far less eager to please and more of a challenge to train than dogs. Ask them to come over to cuddle, and they may get up and walk into the other room. They may also chirp at birds loudly during your Zoom calls, despite your insistence that they pipe down. In an alternative universe, your cat would work on heeding your requests.

Black cat lying on a table with plants on a balcony
VR_Fotografie / Pixabay

I will come out of hiding every once in a while

Cats can be stealthy. Some can find corners of your house you didn’t know existed and hide. Though some cats are social and go in and out of hiding, others stay there. Though we have to accept our kitties for who they are, it’s natural to secretly wish they’d resolve to hang out with you every so often. FYI: If your cat isn’t generally a hider and is suddenly constantly nowhere to be found, it may be a sign they are sick.

Two brown tabby cats playing with a toy
Gratisography / Pexels

I will stop leaving dead birds on the doorstep

Cats kill billions of birds each year, which is part of the reason most vets recommend keeping them indoors. You may have an outdoor-only or indoor-outdoor cat for various reasons, though. If that’s the case, your kitty may leave you some not-so-pleasant surprises. You’ll have to forgive your cat. They’re hunters by nature. In the wild, cats teach their kittens to eat by bringing home prey. Your cat is trying to do the same for you. Perhaps this year, your cat could come to terms with the fact that you provide them — and yourself — with all the food they need and come home without bearing gifts.

clipping cat claws
Denis Val / Shutterstock

I will try to be nicer when getting my nails trimmed

A manicure may be a small luxury to you, but cats don’t feel the same way. Your cat’s nails once protected them in the wild, so felines like to keep them sharp. They may also not enjoy being held. It’s important to trim those claws, though, even if your kitty hisses and squirms. It would be nice if they didn’t turn this tiny must-do into a production. You can help them achieve this resolution by finding the right nail clippers.

Striped cat sitting on a bed in the bedroom
Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock

I will let my parents sleep past 7 a.m.

Cats are nocturnal. Humans usually aren’t. If you work a regular shift, your cat’s nightly antics, or at 4:30 a.m., may serve as an unwelcome alarm clock. Help your feline nail this New Year’s resolution by tiring them out during the day and ensuring they have enough food in their dish to get them through the night.

a cat in a christmas tree
Jessica Lewis / Pexels

Next year, I won’t mess with the Christmas tree

The YouTube videos of cats in holiday trees may be funny. To be fair to kitties, those shiny balls and twinkling string lights sure do look like fun. However, cats can get injured ransacking Christmas trees. This New Year’s resolution is worth helping your kitty achieve, and you have a whole year to plan for it together. Putting your tree in a room your cat cannot access without supervision and choosing ornaments you find visually appealing but your cat finds boring can help. Avoid putting anything toxic, like real chocolate candy, on the tree, and spruce up the area by sweeping pine needles frequently so your cat doesn’t gnaw at those.

Orange and white cat stretching its paw and showing its claws
Alexandra_Koch / Pixabay

Cats will be cats

Cats are quirky creatures, which is part of the reason we love them. They’re not here to build our egos, and we’re often not surprised if they forego a snuggle session to hide under the bed. Of course, your kitty may have a habit of actually wanting to hang out — before the sun comes up. Though we love our fur babies just the way they are, ’tis the season to start making resolutions.

If your cat had any desire to change, they might resolve to pay attention to you more, sleep through the night, and hiss less during nail trimmings. Your cat probably thinks they’re perfect just the way they are, though, so don’t expect big changes this year. Jokes aside, would you really have it any other way?

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BethAnn Mayer
BethAnn Mayer
Contributor
Beth Ann's work has appeared on healthline.com and parents.com. In her spare time, you can find her running (either marathons…
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