1. Home
  2. Cats

If cats had New Year’s resolutions, here’s what they would be

Here are the funniest New Year's resolutions for cats

By
a cat in a christmas tree
Jessica Lewis / Pexels

Cats: We can’t live with them, and we definitely can’t live without them. Although we could do without the early morning yowling for food, the shedding, and the occasional hairball, our fur babies bring us a sense of joy and wonder that makes every day feel like a holiday.

But we can’t help but wonder, “What would my cat’s New Year’s resolutions be?” While our cats are perfect as they are and most likely have no desire to change, that doesn’t mean we can’t have a bit of fun imagining what resolutions they might make if they weren’t already the flawless and fabulous companions they are today.

Recommended Videos

Here are some resolutions that would probably make the list.

Yerlin Matu / Unsplash

I will actually pay attention to my owner

It’s possible to train a cat, but let’s be real: They’re not lab puppies. Cats are typically far less eager to please and more of a challenge to train than dogs. Ask them to come over to cuddle, and they may get up and walk into the other room. They may also chirp at birds loudly during your Zoom calls, despite your insistence that they pipe down. In an alternative universe, your cat would work on heeding your requests.

VR_Fotografie / Pixabay

I will come out of hiding every once in a while

Cats can be stealthy. Some can find corners of your house you didn’t know existed and hide. Though some cats are social and go in and out of hiding, others stay there. Though we have to accept our kitties for who they are, it’s natural to secretly wish they’d resolve to hang out with you every so often. FYI: If your cat isn’t generally a hider and is suddenly constantly nowhere to be found, it may be a sign they are sick.

Gratisography / Pexels

I will stop leaving dead birds on the doorstep

Cats kill billions of birds each year, which is part of the reason most vets recommend keeping them indoors. You may have an outdoor-only or indoor-outdoor cat for various reasons, though. If that’s the case, your kitty may leave you some not-so-pleasant surprises. You’ll have to forgive your cat. They’re hunters by nature. In the wild, cats teach their kittens to eat by bringing home prey. Your cat is trying to do the same for you. Perhaps this year, your cat could come to terms with the fact that you provide them — and yourself — with all the food they need and come home without bearing gifts.

Denis Val / Shutterstock

I will try to be nicer when getting my nails trimmed

A manicure may be a small luxury to you, but cats don’t feel the same way. Your cat’s nails once protected them in the wild, so felines like to keep them sharp. They may also not enjoy being held. It’s important to trim those claws, though, even if your kitty hisses and squirms. It would be nice if they didn’t turn this tiny must-do into a production. You can help them achieve this resolution by finding the right nail clippers.

Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock

I will let my parents sleep past 7 a.m.

Cats are nocturnal. Humans usually aren’t. If you work a regular shift, your cat’s nightly antics, or at 4:30 a.m., may serve as an unwelcome alarm clock. Help your feline nail this New Year’s resolution by tiring them out during the day and ensuring they have enough food in their dish to get them through the night.

Jessica Lewis / Pexels

Next year, I won’t mess with the Christmas tree

The YouTube videos of cats in holiday trees may be funny. To be fair to kitties, those shiny balls and twinkling string lights sure do look like fun. However, cats can get injured ransacking Christmas trees. This New Year’s resolution is worth helping your kitty achieve, and you have a whole year to plan for it together. Putting your tree in a room your cat cannot access without supervision and choosing ornaments you find visually appealing but your cat finds boring can help. Avoid putting anything toxic, like real chocolate candy, on the tree, and spruce up the area by sweeping pine needles frequently so your cat doesn’t gnaw at those.

Alexandra_Koch / Pixabay

Cats will be cats

Cats are quirky creatures, which is part of the reason we love them. They’re not here to build our egos, and we’re often not surprised if they forego a snuggle session to hide under the bed. Of course, your kitty may have a habit of actually wanting to hang out — before the sun comes up. Though we love our fur babies just the way they are, ’tis the season to start making resolutions.

If your cat had any desire to change, they might resolve to pay attention to you more, sleep through the night, and hiss less during nail trimmings. Your cat probably thinks they’re perfect just the way they are, though, so don’t expect big changes this year. Jokes aside, would you really have it any other way?

Editors' Recommendations

Topics
BethAnn Mayer
Contributor
Beth Ann's work has appeared on healthline.com and parents.com. In her spare time, you can find her running (either marathons…
What you need to know about your cat’s swollen lip – what causes it and how to help it heal
These are the most likely causes and best treatment options for your cat's swollen lip

Your sweet furry friend is a wealth of enjoyment and entertainment — from funny sleeping positions to those precious purrs. Cat behavior can be somewhat of a mystery for even the most dedicated kitty lovers, though, and those feline feelings can lead to physical manifestations that puzzle us.

If you've ever looked at your cat and noticed a swelling on the upper or lower lip, here's what you need to know: This common occurrence isn't something to worry about, but it isn't something to ignore, either. While your vet checks your cat's health, you can read up on this confusing condition. Here's what causes a cat's swollen lip.

Read more
Cat zoomies: Why they do it, and what it means
Why cats really get the zoomies and when to step in

It might be your favorite part of owning a cat, or it might keep you up all night, but zoomies have taken hold in our collective psyche as pet owners. While we as humans may pace around, dogs and cats frequently dash across the house for seemingly no reason and with no obvious cause.

Even if you think it's totally random, more likely your kitty gets something out of this wild routine. There's no one definitive motive, but you should be able to figure out why your animal suddenly has the cat zoomies by paying attention to their other behaviors.

Read more
Cat panting: 5 reasons behind this behavior and what you should do about it
Cats pant for all sorts of reasons some of which require medical attention

Just about any cute dog account on social includes plenty of panting pics. But cat influencers? Not so much. That might cause you to panic a little any time your lovable feline sticks out their tongue or breathes heavily, even when you don't have to worry. Cats can pant, too, and many of the reasons pose no danger. So when should you intervene? We'll cover the five most common sources of cat panting.

Why is my cat panting?
Some kitties never pant at all, which doesn't indicate anything bad. It's not necessary for a lot of cats to pant. On the other hand, certain animals are more likely to breathe heavily on occasion. As always, a sudden change in behavior should mean a trip to the vet, but you may have also just landed an animal that wishes to act like a canine.
Heat
Dogs do it. Humans do it. And yes, cats do it, too. Panting from high temps seems to pervade the animal kingdom. Much of the time, your mouser will be able to cool themselves down by lying in a cold spot until they get back to normal. Sometimes though, cats get heatstroke and need you to intervene (more on that later).
Asthma and respiratory illnesses
In the case of a cat cold, you'll likely notice other symptoms that go along with the panting, like sneezing and coughing. A stuffy kitty could pant to get oxygen to their body. Many illnesses work themselves out, but they might need medicine to help it along. You'll also want to check for asthma, which affects many cats. Your vet will help with the right treatment to manage the condition.
Obstructions
Assuming the foreign object is lodged in their upper digestive tract, you can often find a way to take care of this on your own. Don't ever pull anything out of your cat's throat, though, if they aren't able to remove it with a few coughs. Assuming your animal can breathe well enough, take them to the vet or emergency where a doctor can safely remove the obstruction, sometimes after x-rays to diagnose.
Heart problems
Heart problems often lead to breathing problems. An older cat or one with a previous condition like congestive heart failure might develop some tricky issues. Heartworm can cause some coughing or panting as well, but it's completely treatable when caught early on. Your vet will routinely test your pet for this parasite and you should administer preventative as prescribed.
Pain
If you've ever stubbed your toe and then found yourself trying to breathe through the pain, you'll get why your cat might do this, too. Sadly, this reason nearly always necessitates an immediate trip to the vet or pet ER. The only exception is if you discover a minor injury that explains it and can fix it at home; for example, a thorn in their paw that's easy to remove.

Read more